he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
