An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize