Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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