Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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