my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
