my text book just quoted the cookie monster
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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