I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
