It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This is the high leading the old right now
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
