2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
