She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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