You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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