I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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