I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
