ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
