Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize