he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
