worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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