Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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