Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
