You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Boobs are out for the taking
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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