HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
