I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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