All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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