My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I am available for nakedness
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
