Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
