honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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