All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
