Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
