I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
