I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
then he tried to convert me to islam
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
