Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
