I want to have your abortion
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
