she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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