Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
