Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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