babies were throwing up all over the place
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
