if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I have demons in me.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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