hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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