Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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