Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
