It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
