I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
