Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
