nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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