I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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