How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
