Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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