I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
