she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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