I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
