By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My dick has a subreddit
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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