Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
